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Feature: A New Breed29 February, 2008 — Hazel Gardner

(Of Shit Music)

If emo wasn't bad enough, any Radio 1 listener or chart follower must have noticed a new genre of music that has sprung up out of seemingly nowhere. It started about two years ago when the Arctic Monkeys became popular. Now don't get me wrong here, the Arctic Monkeys, whilst not my cup of tea, are not the ones who are making me want to rip my eyebrows out whenever I hear them. But it is they, they who spawned several bands and singers that make burning your eyes out with hot pokers seem more appealing than switching the radio on.

Let's not beat about the bush here. I'm talking about:

In fact, I honest-to-Chris Cornell can't tell the difference between the first three bands. Seriously, they sound identical to me. I'm sure I've probably missed some other offenders off the list, and I'm also sure that as I write this, more of these jumped up little shits will be forming more bands that sound even more the same as each other.

What these 'artists' (and I use the term looooooooosely) have in common is their fucking irritating, bouncy upbeat music, with no dynamics, no real thought, meaningless lyrics, 'wacky' sounding lead singers with 'I'm one of the people' regional accents and most of all, their complete and utter lack of soul.

You may not even have noticed this sudden upsurge of mediocre wank- indeed, the likes of Jo Whiley and Edith Bowman have been drip-feeding you this shite in dribs and drabs until you have become completely used to it. STOP. Stop and think about how this is now what people see as 'indie'. Stop for a second, and think about Radiohead, and the Manics, and even Embrace and Coldplay, and real musicians and real soul.

This stuff is now what 12 and 13 year olds are growing up and being influenced by. This is what they think is 'indie', or 'alternative', this is the unfortunate soundtrack to their rebellion.

Amongst teenagers, rock has been lost to emo. Now indie has been lost to this, and nobody seems to have noticed.

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