Dear Mr Blunt,
I haven't heard your latest single yet, but I can sense it's presence lurking on the Radio 1 playlist, ready to pounce on me just when I think all is well. I would love to listen without prejudice, but quite frankly, the sound of your bizarre croons makes the bile rise in my stomach.
I thought BSE had subsided in recent years, that is until I read recently that your new model girlfriend enjoys being serenaded by you. I can only hope for her sake that she finds money attractive enough to overlook certain ear-strangling flaws.
It is unfortunate for you that your surname rhymes with certain unpleasant terms of address, but perhaps this was simply meant to be.
I really can't take another song akin to 'Goodbye My Lover', possibly the worst, most badly written, most irritating 'song' ever created, so I ask of you this simple request: Please, for the sake of Music, and the sanity of radio listeners everywhere, stop.
I reiterate: Please, cease this aural torture. I'm sure you have enough money already.
Yours, with the utmost contempt,
A Music Fan
What next?More by James Blunt? More features? More pop?