What not to do at gigs if you want your band to make it5 February, 2007 — Hazel Gardner

How to endear yourself to an audience

• DO NOT stand still throughout the entire performance. If you don't look like you're enjoying your music, nobody else will either.
• DO NOT be flippant or insult the audience if you're not getting a good reaction. Unless you are a punk superstar, which you're not. Save this for the MEN arena in 10 years time.
• DO NOT trash any equipment in an attempt to be rock 'n' roll. You're not rich yet. Plus in a tiny pub venue this will look desperate.
• DO NOT spend more than a minute tuning up. Even in a pub or small club, the best bands do not faff around for ages nervously adjusting their strings and going "1 2, 1 2" into the mic. Get a 'roadie' (a mate) to do it, or be quick. You want your entrance on stage to have an impact.
• DO NOT crap yourself with nerves. Even if you are shaking uncontrollably and feel like you can't take the nerves, blag it. You don't need to be confident, just pretend to. People will only be sympathetic to a nervous performance for a short time.
• DO NOT talk yourself down. If it's your first gig, or you've got a cold, you don't have to apologise to the crowd for any crapness. People will probably only notice things if you point them out.
• DO NOT take too long inbetween songs. People get bored very quickly.
• DO NOT attempt to be witty over the mic unless the room feels friendly and responsive. It could end up pretty embarrassing.

• DO NOT give up half way through, even if everyone in the room thinks you suck. It should make you more determined to prove them wrong!
• DO NOT forget that most of the people watching you only wish they had the talent to be in a band or the guts to be on stage. They're totally jealous.

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